Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Marathon sex makes me slimmer, sez humongous woman


Meet Pauline Potter, declared "World's Fattest Woman" by Guinness World Records last September. This is a screencap of a YouTube video, presumably shot with a wide-angle lens. At the time, Ms Potter was said to weigh 643 pounds, although how she was weighed is a mystery.

When her morbid obesity got to the point where her teenage son had to help her go to the bathroom, Ms Potter decided she needed help. So she reported herself to Guinness, hoping that a doctor or nutritionist would see her picture and help her. But relief came from an unexpected source -- her ex-husband Alex, whom she left three years earlier.

Alex says he couldn't resist Pauline after she packed on the pounds. And so, risking his own health and safety, Alex rekindled the relationship. "I hadn't had sex in three years," Pauline told the UK magazine Closer, "but we did it six times. He took charge as I couldn't move much, but he was so attentive."

The unexpected bonus turned out to be weight loss! "I can't move much in bed, but I burn 500 calories a session. It's great exercise just jiggling around," said Ms Potter. "I sweat off loads of calories. I call it 'sexercise'. I tell Alex he needs to visit more so he can help me shed the pounds quicker."

Alex (picture and weight unavailable) says he enjoys their romps in the bedroom, but adds that they do have to be careful. "When she got on top, I couldn't breathe," he said.

Please notice that Walt has avoided (for the most part) any number of fat jokes which came to his mind. Nor shall we enquire too closely into the mechanics of Ms Potter's new weight loss programme. Some things are better imagined than described.

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